Post Revolutionary Romance!

Are you looking to woo that special someone but do not know how? Are you stuck trying to figure out what they like and fail abysmally? Then this method is perfect for you! It’s the newest method there is, thought up by Stephanie Meyer. It is simple, free of charge and is sure to win your sweet heart over. Are you ready for this?


This method is sweeping the nation and is the newest trend in romance. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, this simple technique will be sure to get that special someone to like you. You can’t just do this once though. Follow them home every day, take all of the same classes as them, and when you’re ready to step it up, follow them into their room. They will find this incredibly romantic and fall for you quicker than any other way. Though, spread this out over a couple of weeks; otherwise, it will just be awkward.

Wait, there’s more!

Maybe you want some extra help to make sure you Stalk™ correctly. Stephanie Meyer’s step-by-step manual and visual aid clearly explain everything you need to know and show that it really works. Next time you’re at Wal-Mart, pick up the book and movie Twilight—you will learn a lot from it. Edward Cullen shows how Stalking™ successfully works and how even a vampire can win a pretty girl like Bella Swan over.

Okay, so I am willing to bet that not many of you bought that. In this sort of form, it is hard to understand why anyone would stalk for romantic gain or find stalking romantic. However, some of the Twilight fans that many of us hear about, see, or even proclaim that we are, find the books and movies absolutely romantic and wish that this mysterious man would come sweep them off their feet. What they are learning to realize, or at least some, is that the main character of Twilight, Bella Swan, finds Edward romantic and falls head over heals for him when he is, in fact, stalking her. Think about this for just a minute! Stalking is not romantic! It is extremely creepy and awkward! I would not fall in love with someone who was stalking me; I would send the police after them.

I am not trying to bash the fans of the saga nor am I trying to start any battles– this is just an observation that I have made along with friends, family and Internet folk alike. I use them as sources since I refuse to touch the Twilight novel except to proofread, which I have not done yet because I have not gotten the courage to buy my own copy. My sources come from fellow writers who have read the entire series and have seen the movies, therefore they are able to make a fair and valid observation.

In conclusion, what I am really saying here is that before you gush about how a book or character is “sooooooo romantic!!1!”, really think about why it is. Stalking is not romantic, nor will it ever be in any place, time period, culture, alternate dimension… you get the idea.